Well, I’m twenty-one and currently confused about my life. It’s weird to think that people that I went to school with are engaged or getting married, or having children. I’m really just chilling when I think about it. I’m single and I really don’t mingle to be honest. Do I want a boyfriend? I would actually love one, to be honest. I want the cute dates and sweet text messages. I want to feel special and just have this one person that will be a constant in my life.
I haven’t been in a relationship for three years and it seems crazy at times to me but it doesn’t bother me. I wasn’t happy in my last relationship. I was constantly upset and it just wasn’t healthy for me. For twenty months, I stuck by someone’s side who constantly put me down and broke me down. I don’t know why I stayed but I do know that it took me a year to move on and then a few more months to realize I deserve everything I wish and want for in a man. I think that scares me, to be honest, to be stuck with someone like that. What if that is my type? I surely hope not because I’ve passed up on a few guys because of my fear. I think back now and it was stupid because those guys could have made me really happy.
I think the biggest thing is learning to love myself first. I had to learn that just because one person treated me
in such a disrespectful way, doesn’t mean everyone else would. I had people that loved and love me. My family, best friends, and close friends. I had all these people that loved me for a reason and I just needed to see why they loved me. I had to realize these reasons and put that into myself. Realize that I’m as wonderful as the people in my life see me as. It took me awhile but I figured it out.
But there’s no point in me rushing around to find a guy. I’m only twenty-one. I have a few more years until I actually want to settle down. I think that’s hard to grasp though. The idea of having a guy in my life just seems so promising. All the great and cute things are what I want but I can wait. But what if that guy has a completely different outset on life? What if he doesn’t want to move to the city like me or live the life I want to live? These are things I constantly think about. My prince charming will show up one day, I’m sure of it.