Being a parent means you’re usually receiving unsolicited advice or people telling you how to parent. Been there and done that — being on the receiving end. While I’ve heard some great advice from parents, I’ve also received some advice where I’m just like what…?
Let me be one to let you know that I don’t mind advice. Whether it’s good or bad, I”m going to listen to your piece. I might not take you up on it, but I’ll let you speak to your beliefs. On the other hand, I try not to give too much advice. I don’t feel it’s my place to tell someone how to do this or that with their kid. If you’re asking how I handled weaning my tot off the boob or how we got him to sleep through the night, I’ll share. But, I’m not one to just throw whatever at you.
From sleep training to potty training, I’ve heard it all. And, I’ve taken bits and pieces because not everything that works for one kid is going to work for my kid. From mom friends to working with other moms to random play group moms, I’ve heard and received a handful of tips and thoughts.
And at the end of the day, I say to each their own. But, I want to share some of my favorite advice along with things that I make a face about.
Best Advice from Mom Friends/CoWorkers/Etc.
You have to love your friends that have been there and done that because they’re going to let you know. Don’t shy away from advice, sometimes it’s good to apply to motherhood and life.
If you need help, ask for it.
Brittnee, this is for you girl. I don’t like to ask for help and I will let you know that. Honestly, I will do it myself in several different ways before I ask for help and that’s just me. Clearly, it is something that I need to work on. Nonetheless, asking for help when it concerns your child and your health should be something that you do. Don’t think that you have to do it all. That’s where I made my mistake until Cannon was around one. If I could go back, I would ask my mom or dad to watch Cannon so I could take a nap when Chase was out of town. Or I would have asked them to take him for a few hours so I could get things done. Those are things I do now, but if only I had done it sooner.
Prioritize how you see fit.
I’m a list person. I make lists and I cross off what I do. Truthfully, I can’t really tell you if it keeps me in check or helps me out but I do it. I have to write down the things I need to do, whether it’s in order or not, I capture what needs to get done so I can get it done. I think the best advice for me as a mom is to prioritize things how I think they fit in life. It’s like that one quote where you’re juggling glass balls and you have to decide which one to drop to focus on the most important thing. I probably butchered that quote but that’s how I do things. Being a parent, working a full-time job, taking care of a household, it’s a lot and you have to give and take. There are things that you aren’t going to accomplish some days and that is okay.
Don’t give in to the guilt.
Listen, I can’t even begin to tell you about the guilt I had surrounding going back to work or leaving Cannon for any amount of time. And, I had to learn how to not let it get to me. Cannon going to daycare meant he was about to socialize and learn when I couldn’t teach him. And those moments where I drop him off for a few hours, gave me some peace and let him spend some time with his grandparents. You’re going to feel guilty and you have to push that feeling away. It’s okay to take a moment for yourself. Don’t let that guilt creep up on you because it’ll go deeper. Honestly, you’re doing what you can for your child at the end of the day. You know what works and what’s best for that little baby so you shouldn’t feel guilty for different choices that you make.
No one knows your baby better than you.
This falls into many categories of knowing your child better than anyone. From people questioning why you’re still breastfeeding to people being surprised you still co-sleep. They don’t know your child or how you plan to raise that baby so show them no mind. This was the first thing that I took and ran with after Cannon. I did not follow anyone’s advice directly. Doing my own thing is what fit for me — with some help from my parents or adding in their advice last minute (they raised me so obviously they raised a great kid (; ). You are the mom/parent and you know what is best for your child. People can say what they want, but they’re not doing the raising at the end of the day.
You don’t have to enjoy every moment.
That’s it. You do not have to enjoy every moment of motherhood because not every moment is enjoyable. And, that’s okay tot talk about. It’s okay to talk about the hardships that you’re dealing with and your feelings whether they’re good or bad. I know many of us think we need to suck it up because of this amazing blessing, but you don’t. You can share your reality and I can guarantee there’s another parent out there that can relate. Take each moment how you want to take it. Did I enjoy every moment? No. And, I wrote about it. I wrote about what was hard for me because I didn’t want to pass of a facade of happiness and perfection. Motherhood is a lot of things — happiness, sadness, anger, confusion, joy, etc. It’s up to you how you take it.
Worst Advice from Mom Friends/CoWorkers/Etc.
Look, people have good hearts and think they’re giving you great advice — I get it. But, not all advice is good. Some advice is bad and it’s okay to think that, whether it’s in your head or out loud.
Just wait until they’re older.
This bothers me — I’m not sure why. I don’t even know if it categorizes as advice but it’s snarky. It’s like knocking someone down when they’re proud of an accomplishment. Actually, it is knocking them down. I feel like any time I’ve talked about how I want to parent or do things, other moms have chimed in but in a negative way. I get that your child is older and you have a few years on me but that doesn’t mean our children will be the same. That’s not cool. I don’t like that and I wouldn’t do that to a person because how you raise your child is how you raise them, not me. Plus, I can wait until my tot is older — enjoying the little years right now. I’m going to chill in my corner and do me. At the end of the day, do you mama (or dad).
Have a schedule for everything.
Things don’t go as planned, like ever. In life, in general. So why plan out all these things and think there will be no hiccups? While we did have a schedule/routine for Cannon, we always planned for things to change. There was always a gap of time for us to do anything. To be honest, we’re not big planners when it comes to things outside of work and housework. It’s just not possible, in my mind. There is no way that you can plan for sickness, or that call from daycare to pick your kid up in the middle of a meeting, or a clogged toilet because your child flushes something down it. You can’t think of everything and you shouldn’t have to.
You can jump right back into it all.
Nope, I don’t think so. Motherhood changes you and I don’t think you can go back to the person that you were. You’re a different person. Your life has changed because of this new life. Some things will remain the same, but you’re adjusting to so much more. I wouldn’t say you can’t jump right back into it all, I would say glide or slowly start down that street and make a few stops along the way to take care of you and your little one. It’s okay to be different and do different things now. No one should expect the old you to be around when there’s so much newness.
Sleep train now or they’ll sleep with you forever.
Hi, I didn’t sleep train and my child doesn’t sleep with me unless I want him to. We truly tried to sleep train and it just didn’t work out for us. He has some lungs on him so he’d cry for 1+ hour or wake us up throughout the night and I refuse to lose out on my sleep. Every child is different. Not all children will do whatever method is out there and that is okay. I don’t think there’s any truth to not sleep training being why your child doesn’t sleep in their own bed. At the end of the day, it’s how you approach the situation.
No screen time.
Ha, well one… have you met my two-year-old? And two, mind your business. There are so many parents that speak out against screen time and to that, I say do you and I’ll do me. Screen time is so helpful for us. Cannon doesn’t just watch Disney+, but we have different educational apps that he utilizes. Plus, the Baby Shark and Wheels on the Bus apps are great for long car rides. I was one of those moms that was against screen time, but now I’m like for what? My child is so active that he barely sits long enough to get 30 minutes of television in unless it’s Cocomelon or Puppy Dog Pals.
At the end of the day, do you mama! All that matters is how you want to raise your kid. That’s it. Nothing else.
What is some good or bad advice you’ve received?
For more motherhood talk, you can find my posts here.