If you asked me two years ago, I never would have thought that I would be doing this long distance relationship thing. But things change and jobs put us in different places. I don’t mind because we still drive each other insane every single day, in a good way.
Duty calls and we’re in two different places — Columbus and Boston, although plane tickets are pretty reasonable so I’ve been there to visit. Nonetheless, we both have our own thing while trying to work on our think. I won’t say it’s been all rainbows and butterflies because that would be a lie. We argue and disagree, more so I disagree because I like to be right about everything when he’s the one that is usually right. Everyone thinks we’re cute and all the relationship-ness but they don’t really know all the details… I’m a super private person, to be honest until I get on this blog.
A long distance relationship isn’t hard, though despite what people say. It takes work, a lot of it but it’s worth it in the end.
Patience is your best friend
Admittedly, I’ve realized that I’m impatient when it comes to my relationship — I want this and I want that and I want it now but that’s not how it works, ya know? Working on my patience has become my thing. It’s become my best friend, in a way. You need to be patient with your partner because you don’t know what’s happening or what might have popped up. There are moments when you have to step back and realize everything is not about you. I’ve learned to accept that I’ll get phone calls at the most random times because his schedule isn’t as structured as my own. I’ve become patient when we’re on FaceTime and his friends pop up because I want him to have his people. Patience is a virtue, for real. You have to just chill out and let things flow at times — long distance is already extravagant and you have to learn that you have to be patient with each other.
Learning to give and take
This has been a hard one. You have to learn to take what you get whether it’s a late time phone call or a wake-up phone call, at the end of it all, you appreciate the fact that you’re hearing from them. It’s a lot of work — you need to put in work from taking and giving advice to reaching out to them when you’re thinking about them to stepping up and being the bigger person during fights. If you’re dealing with different schedules, work on finding a time that works for the two of you or send random messages throughout the day to let them know you care. Also, don’t believe in the ‘he should, she should text/call me first every single time’ because that’s not how it works. You can’t expect things to go your way all the time because you need to compromise. My boyfriend wakes up before me and sometimes has longer days than me which I’ve learned to deal with because that’s part of his profession. All I can do is make time. All he can do is make time. We make it work. You have to put together a plan that is going to work for both of you.
FaceTime becomes a necessity
This might be my real best friend. I talk to my boyfriend almost every single day through FaceTime. Thank you, Apple. Video messenger, in general, is a necessity if you want to see your significant other’s face. Texting is fun and all but tone can be misrepresented. Obviously, a phone call does the trick to hearing their voice and emotion. Add on video and it’s a blessing. You’ll love FaceTime for those moments when you want to show something off or just see their face. Trust me, it’s great.
Appreciate the moments in-person
Not only do the visits mean a lot but I get my boyfriend for a whole weekend(kinda)! In my relationship, we both go back and forth to visit each other but I like to visit him. In the past year, I’ve been to Arizona, Detroit, and Boston due to his job and I’ve enjoyed each trip despite what he might think. You get used to the plane and car rides, you get used to the packing, and you get used to the different places because your person is still the same. The time you have together is precious because it feels like just a moment before having to return to your own reality.
Support is fundamental
If there’s one thing you need to be, it is supportive. Your day might have been horrible and his wonderful, praise him up and down before you rant about your own day. If something is going wrong and he confides in you, try to give words of encouragement. If you could see what goes on behind-the-scenes in my boyfriend’s life, things have been a struggle but I’ve always remained positive because he needs that, he needs me to be the positive one and to uplight him. When I wanted to quit my first job out of college, he told me no — I might have been dramatic but I was fed up — he said I couldn’t just quit without a backup plan (my parents said this, too) and brought Princess Brittnee back down to reality. Support is essential whether it’s a crazy or not, you find a way to be that voice for your person.
Focus on each other and each other alone
Let’s be real, the last thing you need in your relationship are people from the outside, peering in and leaving messages on the window… basically, they’re leaving your window dirty. Your friends are great and they will always look out for you but sometimes, they just say things that are insensitive to your relationship. Sometimes, they want to give their opinion without really knowing the person and that can leave a thought in your head. Love your friends, appreciate them but don’t let the things they say get in the way of your relationship. If they think something is up, let them do his/her own investigation instead of getting paranoid about it.
As I’m dishing out this advice, I’m reminding myself of these tips. It gets hard and you get annoyed when you don’t get the time that you want — a mixture of emotions and wanting to give up, I won’t sit here and pretend like everything is perfect and happy 24/7. Sometimes, I get irritated over the smallest things and vice versa but the next day is a fresh start. Like I stated at the beginning, I definitely didn’t think I’d be in this place with all my relationship daydreams but I am glad that I am. It doesn’t get easy right away and sometimes it never gets easier but I will say it’s worth it to have something to look forward to. Plus, FaceTime dates aren’t all that bad.
Are you in a relationship? Long distance or not, share your tips!
Relationship Tips from K
* Don't compare your relationship to anyone else's
*Talk when you don't wanna talk
*You don't have to give up your phone/social media for your partner, but you do have to put them before those things
Brittnee Miller says
I like these tips! I need to apply numero dos to my life ASAP.
I’m in a LDR at the moment and it’s so difficult. Thank you for your tips. I need to work on my patience girl! I struggle with giving up almost every week..
I feel you, girl! It’s so hard but it’s always worth it when you see them. Patience is my flaw and I deal with the same struggle. I always ask myself “do I really want to give up all of this or give up this one moment?” Sometimes, we have to take the good with the bad.