It’s always best to forgive and try to move on from issues and situations that you have had with people. When most people are wrong or do something wrong, they step up. This is something that most people are taught as children — you are taught to admit when you’re wrong and apologize when you’ve hurt a person.
But there are those moments and situations where people like to pretend and forget. They haven’t necessarily admitted they are wrong in an apology form but has stated that they are a changed person and admitted that they had hurt others in the past. But they haven’t apologized for a situation that would allow everyone to move on.
You know what I’m talking about…
There is an apology or are apologies out there that you deserve — the one where someone has done something wrong to you and continues to live life as if nothing happened. Those situations are probably some of the worse situations to be in.
It’s the apology that you know you deserve, but you don’t speak up about it because you don’t want to live in the past but you want to forgive in your own way and in some ways, forget. You want to forget the drama and the things that were either said or done to you
You want to forget the drama and the things that were either said or done to you but you can’t, right? I mean, you probably could, but if something irks you then it’s not necessarily forgotten, and it can potentially ruin your mood.
Sometimes, you just can’t forgive and forget — I get it, I’m agreeing with you.
Why does it still bother you (and me)?
The apology that we never receive is bothersome because we know the situation is in a place where it should be forgotten and left in the past. Like you can forgive at this point, and you want to forget. People say hurtful things, people do hurtful things and they should own up to it. It’s not okay to just do this and that, and assume everything is right in the world.
Maybe we’re bothered because people can claim that they’ve changed or that they’re not living in the past but how can we be so sure? Where is the reassurance for the pain or stress that happened in our lives?
Then again, why are you holding on? Why am I holding on? Maybe it’s because you need that to move on. It’s reasonable. It’s okay to want to that apology; there’s comfort in knowing that someone acknowledges that they’ve abused your relationship in some way. You need to move on and you know it but there’s comfort that comes with an apology. You feel a little bit more at ease once it is hashed out.
Sure, some people struggle with the apology but at the same time, if you’re sitting down to talk it out then everyone is allowed to fumble over their words and put what they are feeling onto the table. We’re excusing their behavior and assuming that the apology will happen in the future but what happens when two years have passed, and you still haven’t heard anything?
The first step is to stop excusing people and their behavior. Stop excusing what they’ve done to you and just shrugging it off because they’ll never step up to the plate. A solution isn’t possible if you’re dodging it. Just don’t excuse their behavior anymore — it might seem rough or confrontational but call them out on their actions, let them know that’s not cool with you. Next step, is to avoid the people that are all talk and no action when it comes to reconciliation. If they have mentioned apologizing and haven’t apologized, are they just trying to keep you around? The “I owe this person and that person” statements to gain back trust and move on their merry way without having to apologize.
In my corner, I feel like the acknowledgment of wrongdoing is all the I wanted. It’s not that my feelings are hurt because they no longer are but the actions are what bother me. Excusing the behavior time after time is what has become my ultimate enemy. At the same time, I feel like hanging on to this need and want for an apology is hindering my growth. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to block any blessings by holding on.
But at the end of the day, is it worth it to hold on to feelings of anger/sadness and think about how there is no resolution?
There comes a point in time occurs when you just have to step away from the situation for your own good.
What I’ve learned…
Things become a little bit easier when you learn just to accept the fact that you aren’t going to get the apology.
Want me to break it down?
The art of letting go.
I’m not encouraging you to forgive and forget; you might just want to let go of the situation and have reservations for the future. Some might think that you’re holding on or committing to a grudge but if you display no hard feelings, why not have reservations?
You are allowed to think about that apology that you are owed. You are entitled to wonder why you haven’t received it. You’re allowed to do whatever you want with the situation. You are always allowed to feel any way because those are your feelings. That is what I’ve learned. I can approach and handle any situation how I see fit.
My solution to my current problem — I’m going to let it go and move on in my own way. My plans are to relax and not let the past affect my bright, bright future.
And what am I going to leave you with?
Go out and find your joy. Focus on your joy. Concentrate on positive thoughts. You can’t control how people’s actions but you can control your own. You can take control of the situation. Read a book or a blog post — I like to read Sopha Rush’s posts and posts at Kelsea Gunner, these are two bloggers that aren’t afraid to talk about vulnerability, feelings, faith, things I need for reassurance from time to time.
If you never get that apology, find a way to move on with or without that person in your life — that relationship is now in your hands. Just remember, apologies are powerful if the tables are ever switched. Own up to your mistakes. You can always be the bigger person at the end of the day.
Have you ever been in this situation? How do you feel and how did you deal?